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Erap in Library "What time does the library open?" Erap on the phone asked. "Nine A.M. " came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" Erap asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "ha, who said I wanted to get in?" Erap sighed sadly. "I want to get out!"
ERAP VISITING ALASKA Pumunta si Erap sa Alaska,pagdating duon,tinanong siya kung kumusta ang weather sa Pilipinas. Sagot ni Erap,"Here in Alaska it's cold.....but in the Philippines it's hot". Nagtaka ngayon ang isang Alaskan repoter at tinanong si Erap,bakit daw. Sagot si Erap..."cause you see,the sun here in Alaska is only 110 volts .....in the Philippines,it's 220!"
ERAP's PET A chemical engineer, an accountant and a Erap are arguing about who has the smartest dog. The engineer calls his dog and says "Liter, do your stuff." Liter goes to the lab, grabs a beaker in his mouth, sets it on the floor, grabs a pitcher of water and pours exactly four ounces of water into the beaker, without spilling a drop. The accountant smiles and says, "Good, but watch this. He calls his dog and says," Abacus, do your stuff". Abacus goes to the kitchen, pulls out a bag of cookies, opens it and counts out six, which he arranges on a piece of paper, without breaking or eating any. Erap sneers and yells out "Coffee Break, go for it." Coffee Break come in, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, takes a dump on the paper, sexually molests the other dogs, complains that in doing so has strained his back, lodges a hazardous working conditions complaint, files for disability and goes home on sick leave.
IN LABOR One particular day many years ago, Erap's wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!
QUIZ SHOW The emcee Alex Tebak, the contestant "Erap" Emcee: Question number 1 "Ano ang bird ng Pilipinas ? Erap: Clue please !!! Emcee: nag uumpisa sa letter "M" Erap: Madali yan, ...."Manok" Emcee: Hindi..... Maliit lang at kulay brown..... Erap: "hindi mo agad sinabi eh, di "pritong manok"... Emcee: ngyek !!!...
TESTING As Erap's Driver test drive it. Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light) Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana. Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights) Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana. Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light) Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......
ORDER Cofee shop in New York. Erap is thinking of what to order. The man to his left ask for "Coffee and Danish." The man to his right, "Coffee and English." Erap, with confidence and pride: "Coffee and Filipino!"
ELECTRIC FAN Tanong ki Erap : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot and elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?
Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din? Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!
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