MODERN INVENTION

Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?"

GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters inzee Berlin."

The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?"

JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh."

ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and looong FART. "....TRRRRRRR, TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!" The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT SOUND???"

ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX!"

ON IMMIGRATION

On his arrival in San Francisco. ERAP notices a long queue in th immigration area. He glances and sees a shorter queue that read... "OLYMPIC ATHLETES ONLY". "Aba, doon na ako pipila...hehe" He instructs his aides to look for sport props.

The first aide, carrying a hubcap, goes through. His excuse...DISCUS thrower.

ERAP: "Aba ayos yon ah!"

The second aide also goes through with a mop pole. His excuse...JAVELIN thrower.

ERAP: "Aba...mahusay din." "Teka muna, presidente ako ng Pilipins. Dapat hindi basta basta lang ang sports ko!! Dapat cultured ng konti." He goes around and finds a bundle of barbed wire. "Ayos ito...tamang tama." He goes directly to the immigration area.

Immigration Officer: "Sorry sir, this queue is only for athletes...What's your excuse?"

ERAP: Showing him the barbed wire with a wide grin..."FENCING!"

FATIGUE

Sir, over fatigue na yata ang mga sundalo natin na lumalaban sa ABU SAYYAFF" sabi ng isang Heneral kay Erap.

Ganon ba? tanong ni Erap. "Osige, pagpalitin mo lahat sila ng Khaki for a change."

WA CLASS

Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: "Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?"

Erap: "I don't know, kasi nasa first class ako."

THE DIFFERENCE

FVR: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POTATO & MASHED POTATO ?

ERAP: ITONG WRISTBAND KO POTE' TO, 'TONG BARONG KO MASPOTE' TO!!

STARBUCKS

ERAP ordering coffee at Starbucks

Waiter: DECAF?

ERAP: OO, alangan naman dePLATE

NUTRIENTS

While in a drug store.

Erap : I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.

Pharmacist : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Erap : It does not matter, cuz he can't read yet!!