PHILIPPINE AMBASSADOR

The Russian president is in Manila on a state visit. Driving
into Malacañang with Erap, he sees a man peeing against the wall.
He says, "In Russia we send people to the prison camps in Siberia,
the coldest part of Russia, for doing that."

A year later the its President Erap turn for a state visit
to Russia. Driving into the Kremlin in Moscow they see a man peeing
against the wall. He says to the Russian president, "I thought you send
people to the prison camps for doing that."

"I wish I could, but I can't", said the Russian president, "that's
the Philippine Ambassador."

Reporter: Mr. President, how was your visit to Australia?

Erap: Well, it was nice. I saw many dangaroos.

Reporter: Sir, you mean, kangaroos?

Erap: No! Dangaroos! It was written:
"Beware, these animals are dangaroos(dangerous)!"

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the
Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.
Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something...
Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

While typing Erap's speech to be delivered in joint commnunique,
Erap's secretary paused awhile and asked Erap.

Secretary: Sir, dalawa nga ba ang -o- sa unahan ng cooperation?

Erap: Dagdagan mo pa nang isa para sigurado.

SAVE

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of  a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance
to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".

FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching  the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." Erap shouted: "Fire!".

Q: How are a San Miguel Beer bottle and Erap alike?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why does Erap keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
A: They are for those who don't drink!

Q: How do you confuse Erap?
A: Stick him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: Why did the Erap stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

Q: What do you do if Erap throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!

Q: Why did Erap get fired from his job at the M & M's factory?
A: He kept throwing out the Ws.

Sir, ano po ba ang pinagawa nyong sticker na
"LATANG PINOY"? 
Ah,yan ba? Tinagalog ko lang yung dating
slogan na "THE  FILIPINO CAN". 
Di ba mas maganda ngayon?

Isang araw, nagpasya si Erap na maglakbay sa pamamagitan ng pagsakay ng barko. Hindi pa nakakalayo ang
barko ng bigla itong lumubog.
Makalipas ang ilang minuto, isang rescue team ang dumating. At ni-rescue si erap ng isang kabataang lalake.

Erap: Sabihin mo kung ano ang gusto mong gantimpala at ibibigay ko sa yo?
Lalaki: wheelchair po. Erap: Bakit wheelchair e hindi ka naman pilay?
Lalaki: Dahil po pag nalaman ng tatay ko na iniligtas ko kayo, siguradong pipilayan nya po ako.

Erap visited Los Angeles Ca. and decided to go to Downtown L.A., walking all day he got lost  fortunately, he have his cell phone with him. He called his assistant and said

Erap: I am lost, can u please pick me up.

Assistant: Sir, Where are you at right now ?

Erap: I am standing in the corner of Union 76
gas station.

Assistant: But Sir, there's a lot of Union 76
gas station in downtown L.A.

Erap: I know that, I'm not that stupid. You won't miss it, it's the one with the blinking sign in the corner that says " WALK/ DON'T WALK"